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Peace I leave with you; let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid |Quotes #7|

Updated: Jun 27, 2022


When push comes to shove. How do we act in the midst off suffering? Sure we know the theory. Yes we heard the stories. Knowing friends/family who have gone through terminal illnesses. Yet when that suffering comes, how do we act? How do I truly act? Well. This last week I went through dengue fever and heck was it painful. Imagine having your whole body on fire. With a constant high fever off 38~39.2 °C for about a week. Imagine your body so weak that all you can do is sleep. Imagine having a low thrombocyte and low white cell count that any sudden injury can result in hemorrhaging/ internal bleeding... For the past week that has been my reality. A reality filled with pain and helplessness. A reality off seeing porridge and water daily. A reality that has pushed me over the edge in terms off patience and self control.


This week I learnt how pain is ever more true and real:

O Lord, God of my salvation, I cry out day and night before you. Let my prayer come before you; incline your ear to my cry! Psalm 88:1-2 😭
O Lord, why do you cast my soul away? Why do you hide your face from me? Afflicted and close to death from my youth up, I suffer your terrors; I am helpless. Psalm 88:14-15 😔

Why this Psalm? Because when I was sick, my mind is telling me to worship God, but my body was in so much pain... I cried and pleaded with the Lord, but the pain never ceased.. Yet God is good, He knows us and gives us Psalm 88 to remind us that it's ok to feel pain. To feel that darkness is creeping ever so closely, just remember to always bring all our inner darkness before the Lord:

‘Prayers [like Psalm 88] indicate God’s understanding: he knows how people speak when they’re desperate; he identifies with us in our suffering.’

-Tim Keller, speaks on Psalm 88 and about how to deal with hard times-


Throughout this week, I learnt off my own warped reality. I say I believe yet there have been times this week where I was so angry at the situation. Inwardly I subconsciously wanted healing. I wanted things to go back to how they used to be.

Matt Chandler says it best:


Most times we are not after an intimacy with God, but something else. And we are hoping that God would give us that something else.


This week I truly saw my inner flaws. When the pressure was on, I got angry at the situation. And worst yet I blamed the situation on others and even on God. I thought to myself: surely "I" wouldn't get a terminal illness right? And yet I got it. And when that happened, I couldn't accept it...

So then what to do during moments off hopelessness and suffering?

 

A great example is from the testimony of Katherine Berger from the movie American Gospel in which she said:


"

You know, even though I don't know all the answers. Even though I don't know if I will be able to eat again, the difference is that I am not looking for answers. I don't need to know the answer to that question. I am not angry with God anymore. Because I don't think that He owes me anything. I feel like He's given me a wonderful life. And I am not even owed that. And through all the suffering that I've had, He's given me such... comfort. Such peace. Such joy. That my life is a thousand times better than it was before.

If I could pick to go back to that life before, there is no way. I don't even want to go near that other life. I don't even want to do anything with it. Because the life I was living before it was so.. empty. Compared to the life I have now. Now when I wake up everyday, I need God. I need Him. To get through the day. And through all off that my life has gotten better...And not worst.

Even though to somebody maybe on the outside, it looks worst. But it's not. I have so much more happiness now, than I ever did before...

"

-Katherine Berger, American Gospel: Christ Alone-



And it's true. Despite my ups and downs this week, I realized that I got through this crazy painful week only by the grace off God. That comfort, peace, joy which is found only through Jesus:

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. John 14:27 🕊️🤗🕊️

Before Jesus ascended into Heaven He promised His disciples the Holy Spirit. The Helper who is with us forever. Guiding and dwelling in us through all time. Just like Katherine mentioned, knowing Christ is the bestes-tes-test thing than can ever happen. My body still feels pain. And yet, reflecting back on last week,.. there was a peace. A joy only in Christ that helped me out off that dengue fever week.

 

Reflection

Dear Lord Jesus, thank You. . .

This week I realized how weak I was, and how I have failed You O Lord. I repent from the words I uttered. The blaspheming heart. The anger and retaliation in the midst off my suffering. When the pressure is on, I have failed You miserably... And yet. Despite my failures, thank You for Your mercy in sparing me❤️. Thank You for your love and grace in preserving me not to forsake You🛐.


I realized that even when I fall, You are there to help me rise up again.. Thank You for that. I realize now how You preserve and guard us with a boundary. That limits our failures and our darkness. As You have said:

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. 1 Corinthians 10:13 👑🤝👨‍👦

O Lord, thank You for Your faithfulness even when I am not faithful. You are amazing. And thank You for guarding and preserving me to endure:


"

I think the catchphrase, perseverance of the saints, is dangerously misleading because it suggests that the persevering is something that we do, perhaps in and of ourselves.


I believe, of course, that saints do persevere in faith, and that those who have been effectually called by God and reborn by the power of the Holy Spirit endure to the end. They do persevere, but not simply because they are so diligent in making use of the mercies of God. The only reason we can give for why we continue in the faith until the last day is not because we have persevered so much, but because we have been preserved.


So, I prefer the term preservation of the saints because this process by which we are kept in a state of grace is something accomplished by God.

"



Satan demanded to sift me, and yet thank You Jesus for protecting me from the trial. I pray that this testimony may strengthen my brothers/sisters reading this. That when pain and suffering comes, please help us to hold on🤝. To remember that You have given us all we need through Your Holy Spirit. A indescribable peace, comforter and helper.

Some times we wonder why do we suffer? Yet Dr. Steven Lawson reminds us that:


"God has purposes in our suffering.

To humble us,

To conform us into the image of Christ,

To wean us off the world,

To purify us,

To help us to identify us with other people who are suffering."

-Dr. Steven Lawson, American Gospel: Christ Alone-

 

Thank You Jesus for the sufferings. The trials. Most times I don't know why. But today I learnt that it's ok to not know.🤗 Because slowly and surely I am learning to trust You. Thank You for the opportunity to believe in You and to also suffer for Your sake:

To believe in You is a great opportunity. To suffer for Your sake is hard but also a great opportunity we have...

In times off suffering, Lord I pray for healing. Please strengthen my faith to know that You are able to deliver me from any trial.


BUT EVEN IF You do not deliver. Even when I don't get what I want. Even when I have to face the sufferings, help me to endure.

Thank You for the story off Shadrach, Meshach, Abednego. A troubling time in which they were given an ultimatum by King Nebuchadnezzar to bow down to his golden image or else face the fiery furnace of death. They understood that You are: able to deliver, will deliver.


But even if He does not deliver, even if the Lord doesn't heal me, mold me please Lord to be a Christian that still loves You in despite the pain.



To be faithful in all things just like our Lord Jesus Christ. I know have failed before, yet I also know that this is not the end off the story📖. Please lead me once more... to trust again in You: That You are sovereign in all things👑.


That even if You do not deliver, I may continue to trust You and be faithful. And most off all— thank You Jesus for giving me peace in You. A tranquility in the midst off the tempests of my life. You are my rock and salvation. Your irresistible grace is truly divine. And I know and by faith believe that everything that has and will happen is all for Your glorious name🌟. To be a small part off that is truly humbling. Thank You Jesus..🕊️. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.



Updated on: December 7, 2021 | December 11, 2021


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