How... How I've missed this simple act of writing. To drop the pretenses and just come as I am. To talk with my great and awesome Creator. Thank You Father for all the good and bad days. These last few weeks has been tough and that it's not Your fault as it was always mine. Sometimes I feel that You are moving away, yet I know You have never left. You are and always is faithful. Yet I have strayed time and time again whisking away my focus on a moment's whim. In distraught You have heard my prayer—my cries, my complaints,... my whole being.
O Lord,... help me. Help me all in these tough tough moments of fear. As the whole Covid situations worsens, the third wave never ending. I am unceasingly puzzled. When all my hope seems lost. When that hour of darkness comes, where do my hopes lie on to? These last few weeks I have sinned and relied too much on my strength. I have blasphemed lying lips promising to get closer to You O Lord. Yet I lie and sin. I run away from the faith that loved me so. I broken my discipline and integrity in Your midst. Being dishonest in all things. Wasting away this precious life. Forsaking the grace that once held me so.
And yet, even through all that You never forsaken me. My deceitful feelings tells me You are far, and yet Your grace has never been closer. In those moments I knew I had to get right with You once more. A few days ago was my birthday, yet in that time of celebration— can I truly celebrate? As I see those around me under pressure and afflicted, my heart yearns and aches as I see this hour of darkness looming on. And in that moment, I am reminded off this post which started on November 26, 2020. Off a simple song entitled "I'll never forsake you" by David Ward.
"I'll Never Forsake You"
Words & Music by David L. Ward, based loosely on a hymn by John Roberts (1822-1877)
Performed by Steve Pettit Evangelistic Team
O soul, are you weary from wave upon wave
Of grief and affliction whom no man can save?
Has sickness surrounded, or unending night?
Uncertainty stolen your joy and your might?
O doubting, o fearful– remember His care,
The helpless and hopeless need never despair
For from your afflictions His glory shall spring–
The deeper your sorrow, the louder you'll sing!
Remember Your Father– His promise, His love:
"I'll never forsake you, this pain will not break you,
For I will remake you for unending joy;
My promise is faithful though now it is painful;
No power can trample My covenant love."
Remember your Savior– His grief and His pain,
The lonely affliction, unmerited shame.
Though you had betrayed Him, He died in your place;
The joy set before Him He offers by grace.
Remember Your Father– His promise, His love:
"I'll never forsake you, this pain will not break you,
For I will remake you for unending joy;
My promise is faithful though now it is painful;
No power can trample My covenant love."
"I'll never forsake you, this pain will not break you,
For I will remake you for unending joy;
My promise is faithful though now it is painful;
No power can trample My covenant love."
O my soul why are thee weary? Why are thee cast down?
Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Psalm 42:11 [a]😔
Why are thee contemplating a darkness that to which has no end? Why are thy worries and fear overcoming thy soul? What do you long for O my soul?
As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When shall I come and appear before God? Psalm 42:1-2 😰🥺
Remember. Remember. Remember. Of His care. Who once took you in. Who enveloped thy broken and contrite spirit. As David's soul longed for God, aren't thee the same? O Lord my changed heart yearns for Your presence once more.. my thought have brazenly fallen into darkness:
I say to God, my rock: "Why have you forgotten me? Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?" As with a deadly wound in my bones, my adversaries taunt me, while they say to me all the day long, "Where is your God?" Psalm 42:9-10 😤⚔️
O Lord my hearts my heart cries in search, to cry that which I can't cry. My fears have surrounded me my enemies surround me. They taunt me asking me to revile and forget my God. Pulling me subtlety farther and farther away.. And yet Thy faithfulness has stood firm despite all my turbulences. Thank You Jesus for Thy promises...and never forsaking me.
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:37-39 ✝️💗👨👦
O Lord, sometimes I forget about Jesus Christ who firstly conquered sin & death when He died on that Cross. He stood before kings, rulers, the evil one, and against the whole world. And yet Christ overcame all adversity. As Paul writes here, we are loved by Him who knows who we were who we are and even who we are to become. 😭 O Lord, who am I to think that any tribulation, distress, persecution, famine, nakedness, danger or sword is able to separate me from the love of Christ? I am able to conquer because You first loved me... thank You Jesus.
Reflection
Dear Lord, it took me roughly four days to write this. I just couldn't get the words. I wrestled going to and fro. Procrastinating and making excuses to stop. And yet Lord,... and yet. Even through it all You were with me. I finally understood why Jesus prayed that prayer in Gethsemane:
Then Jesus went with them to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to his disciples, "Sit here, while I go over there and pray." And taking with him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, he began to be sorrowful and troubled. Then he said to them, "My soul is very sorrowful, even to death; remain here, and watch with me." And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, saying, "My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will." Matthew 26:36-39 😔🛐🕊️
Writing this pericope— my soul trembles within me. I imagined feeling that agonizing hurt. How my Savior in His dire time went and pray. In His sorrow and trouble to the point of death He went to pray toward the Father. O Lord... how brave You are! How You epitomized this song in Your life...! Father, thank You. For being with me in writing this reflection. The spiritual battle is real. And help me Lord as I am one year older now, to rely on You even more. To remember my Savior who loved me so. Who was the best example. Who was betrayed by all, and yet stood tall because He had You Father. Who loved Him so dearly... To understand God is to understand Christ. Just as He never forsaken His son, I am assured day by day that my Father will not forsake me as well.
Thank You for another year in this earth. To be honest, I truly wish I can return to Heaven sooner rather than later. I miss You Lord... *😭inaudible crying😭*… I really really miss You. And yet I will hold on too Your covenantal promise. That I will see You again one day. Whether I am away or at home my privileged role is to glorify You in all things. Lord. Thank You for the best gift I can receive this birthday. To know You personally as my Lord and Savior. To experience Your great love. How You were with me from the very start. When I came from nothing... As Isaiah said:
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. Isaiah 43:2 🌊🔥🤗
O Lord, I remember now. Off all those tribulations we went through together. Off the raging waters inside off me. Off the blazing fires of dangers that scalded me. And yet through it all,.. You protected me. Thank You Father for this song... truly. Thank You. For never forsaking me through it all. Please help me to remember and take confidence in Your covenantal love.. As David ends his pain in hope:
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God. Psalm 42:11 🤲
I will again hope. That Your time will come. To praise You again in adoration. For You are my salvation and my God! 🤗🤗🤗. Thank You Jesus.. 🕊️. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.
—Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6—
Updated on: November 26, 2020 | July 16,2021 | July 19, 2021
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Credits: 📷Roman Kraft