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December, 2022- January, 2023 [soliloquy #1]

Updated: Nov 16, 2023


 


 

Hope

For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees?
But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.
Romans 8:24-25🕊️✝️☀️

 

Today I am reminded once more of one of my favorite stories in the Bible of the 5 loaves and 2 fish. As the Lord is so good in which He showed me a different perspective to the story. A perspective to actively participate to look and be thankful for all His blessings. In Mark 6:30-44, Jesus fed the five thousand. After teaching the crowd many things, He had compassion on them (v.34). And wanted the disciples to partake in giving the crowd something to eat (v.37). The disciples responded with unbelief because they thought how can 200 denarii feed that many people? And yet Jesus said,

"How many loaves do you have?"

To which the disciples responded they have 5 loaves and 2 fish (v.38).

So why is this important?


Well.

For Jesus to be able to bless the five thousand is easy.

And yet He wanted the disciples to participate in the process.

Similarly.

The Lord reminded me today to count my blessings.

In reality, I sometimes ask for this and that. Yet when I really evaluate, I realized that I have many many loaves of bread and fish that I haven't truly "given" to Christ.

These loaves of bread and fish is from my time, money, work, health, life, etc.


Hearing Jesus say that to His disciples showed me how just like the disciples, I make so many darn excuses. Saying it's impossible. How can God use such a small donation? How can God work in my broken life?


And yet. That wasn't the case at all.

If the disciples never... 1. "Went out to see" they would never realized how much they had. 2. "Given the Lord the five loaves and two fish" they would never have seen how Jesus worked through their lives.


Sometimes we sell ourselves short. And yet Jesus just wants us at this very moment to come to Him as we truly are. To give Him 100% and all that we have now. At this moment. Because He is the good Shepherd. The bread of Life, and that whoever comes to Him shall not hunger, and whoever believes in Him shall never thirst (John 6:35).


What happens next is even more miraculous:

"And taking the five loaves and the two fish, he looked up to heaven and said a blessing and broke the loaves and gave them to the disciples to set before the people. And he divided the two fish among them all.

From verse 41, Jesus looked up to Heaven and said a blessing. And the seemingly small offering was used plentifully and enough for all the people there. Case in point, sometimes I wonder if what I'm doing is really actually useful. I look at this website and the people who actually read it is not much. And yet I forget. The point isn't that. It's not about "impact". It's about giving my Lord Jesus my best😭.

Who knows that one day from now, a single person reading this might know Christ? Who knows how these small moments of my seemingly normal life might glorify my amazing Lord? And even if it nothing comes out of this, I am just so thankful to have been given this opportunity to share how Jesus truly is great great great above all else!


Also, I really love love love how Jesus "looked up" contrary to looking down when praying. His gaze was directed at the Father. His prayer was for His glory to radiate through the blessing that was about to take place. And so they ate.

And they all ate and were satisfied.🤗

David Guzik's commentary really highlighted this point from verse 42: "Jesus had people He loved over for dinner, and there will always be more than enough food. That’s how much Jesus loved them and loves us."💗

(Enduringword Mark 6)

And finally, in verse 43:

And they took up twelve baskets full of broken pieces and of the fish. 🐟🧺

"And they took up twelve baskets full of fragments and of the fish: Jesus could have just left this behind, but He didn’t. Jesus generously provides, but He doesn’t want things wasted. It isn’t because Jesus is cheap or doesn’t trust for future provision; He simply knew that wastefulness didn’t glorify the God of all provision." (Enduringword Mark 6)


Dear Lord Jesus✝️,

Thank You for another day. A day full of lessons and touching moments. May You use this broken life for Your glory☀️. May those who read this blog be blessed to know You more and more. Because that is where the true riches are. The surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord who encapsulates my heart daily. And Lord, may You be glorified even higher. Because of Your abounding mercies that are new every morning. You are amazing O Lord👑, and I thank Thee from the bottom of my heart... 😭🙇😭


 


Today my devotion was from Mark 6:45-52, which is about Jesus Walks on the Water. From the pericope here are 5 points I learned...


Pray like Jesus (v.46) when you are tired or during any moment of your life. Because even as Jesus was fully man and fully God, He continuously relied on the Father's strength. Knowing the limitations of His flesh, He took time to reconvene, to discuss, and to ask of the LORD's presence throughout His life. In the hardest moments of life, prayer is always the best answer.


Work hard like the disciples who was given a command from Jesus to row the boat. They were rowing against the great wind and rowed much for the night and only came halfway across the lake (John 6:18-19). And yet they kept pushing through. As Spurgeon would say,

“The apostolic crew rowed, and rowed, and rowed, and it was no fault of theirs that they made no progress, ‘for the wind was contrary unto them.’ The Christian man may make little or no headway, and yet it may be no fault of his, for the wind is contrary. Our good Lord will take the will for the deed, and reckon our progress, not by our apparent advance, but by the hearty intent with which we tug at the oars.”

Cry out like the disciples did when you are in trouble (v.49). Sometimes we try to do everything ourselves, yet when we cry out, our Lord hears. As Jesus initially meant to pass them, the disciples cried out of fear of seeing a ghost. And yet wouldn't it be better if we cry out in any moment of fear in our lives?


Why be afraid? Is a key point in today's learning. Sometimes we ask of God for this and that. Yet when the Lord provides and "gives" us what we asked for, we don't take that chance. We step back and are afraid. As it happened to me before, it happened to the disciples who were terrified when they saw Jesus stepping into their boat (v.50). As Augustine would write:

“He came walking on the waves; and so he puts all the swelling storms of life under his feet. Christians, why be afraid?” (Augustine)

Remember. Don't harden your hearts. Is the last and final point to remember. As in verse 52:

for they did not understand about the loaves, but their hearts were hardened.

What I find interesting is how the disciples just a few hours before witnessed how the Lord provided a miracle for feeding the 5,000. Yet they question how the Lord is able to bring them through this trial.. and in that I realized something about the human essence. We are apt to forget and dominated by our flesh who is always fearful and forgetful. As Barnes would say,

They considered not the miracle of the loaves - They did not remember or call to mind the "power" which Jesus had shown in feeding the five thousand by a miracle, and that, having done that, he had power also to save them from the storm.
Their heart was hardened - Their "mind" was dull to perceive it. This does not mean that they were "opposed" to Jesus, or that they had what we denominate "hardness of heart," but simply that they were slow to perceive his power. They did not quickly learn, as they ought to have done, that he had all power, and could therefore allay the storm.

Dear Lord Jesus,

Lord thank You so much for another day in getting to know You deeper. Sometimes just like the disciples I work hard but not realizing the storm I'm in. I then cry out of fear, and out of fear I respond to Your help in a terrifying manner. Yet why should I be afraid? As Jesus prayed during His life, help me to come to You in all times and to rely on You. Help me to seek Your presence in all this. As Matthew Henry would say,


Our fears are soon satisfied, if our mistakes are set right, especially our mistakes as to Christ. Let the disciples have their Master with them, and all is well.


Thank You Jesus for calming the storm in me.

“Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid.”

As You say Lord, when I receive You in my life, there is a comfort. A peace that this world cannot give. And Lord. Just thank You for all these sweet moments I have with You. One day from now I will meet You. Please O Lord, take care of Your children who will go through pain, suffering and persecution😭. And help them to rest in You. To take comfort in You. To be a light in this forsaken world. To take heart in Christ. Because only in You has the winds ceased. The buffeting storms receding. And in that hope I praise You O Lord. Your glorious glorious name...👑. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.


 

This was the first day for me to start teaching. It was really really nerve-wrecking. How could I teach English while having no experience before hand? And yet in those moments I prayed extensively. O Lord please give me strength and fill me with Your Spirit, fire, and zeal.

And boy did I need it.

As waking up was so hard today. My mind was constantly filled with flashbacks and regrets of my ex that really hit me. I kept replaying the same episode back again and trying to reason with myself. Did I make the right decision? I don't know but I just felt really lonely these last few days... And it accumulated into me being so nervous today.


Following that fiasco of a night and morning, I turned on the music player during my drive. And I heard these lyrics.

"You are worthy, Father, Creator... Savior, Sustainer
Worthy and wonderful... Worthy of worship and praise"

And in that Kairos moment I remembered why I broke up with my ex. I remembered why left my old life. It wasn't because I didn't like sin. I love sin. Now who wouldn't like to indulge their flesh?


Yet. It was because the love of Jesus Christ outweighed all my desires. The relationship I have with Him had and continually is the epitome of joy and peace.

I realized I could not change my life nor my past. They will always haunt me and remind me of my worthlessness. Yet, in Christ alone do I see true worth. He is glorious. What He did on that Cross. What He did in my life. Pushing me to be better. Loving me when I was hopeless. Giving me grace when I did not deserve it. And most importantly, saving me. Even when I didn't realize of the danger I was in.


Thank You O my Lord. You are more than worthy. And this week's verse comes from Romans 8:24-25:

For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees?
But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

This hope refers to in Christ. He was our hope in that He died on the Cross and ressurected defeating death and sin. And He IS our hope in His second coming to bring judgment on this world. And in all that, living for Jesus makes this whole existence worth while.

As Peter wrote:

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God's power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. 1 Peter 1:3-5

Dear Lord Jesus,

Thank You O Lord for another day. Though I have never seen You, I love You as You first loved me. Though I do not see You, I believe in You and rejoice with joy that inexpressible and filled with glory... (1 Peter 1:8). Thank You O Lord for showing me Your glory. For prevailing my inner darkness with Your radiance. Please Lord, be with me. Remind me continuously lest I forget. That I have decided to follow Jesus. No turning back. And help me enjoy You as long as I love. Worthy be Your glorious glorious name! In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.



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